Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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