is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
