YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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