Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
