Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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