i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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