I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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