Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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