My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
