it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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