His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
