And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
