Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
wow bdsm is so cute
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
