areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
