You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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