i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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