I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We are two peas in an std pod
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
