Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize