shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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