His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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