This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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