How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
