Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
