even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
