Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's Friday. Sex?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
