i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
