im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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