he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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