new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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