Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize