had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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