How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
