guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
