you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
