and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
