How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
