sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
