I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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