My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
