I understand Curling. That high.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
