Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize