apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
