You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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