apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
