Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
