I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
