you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
