Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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