I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
