I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
