You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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