Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
