Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
