Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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