i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
