there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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