I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
