Moan for me like Helen Keller
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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