have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize