I looked at my own cervix.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
