i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
