We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
