Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
