Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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