He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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