Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
