My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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