I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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