My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So much rum. So many feels.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
