I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize