So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
