they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
