I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
