How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
