Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
