if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's never too late to be topless.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
